Superheroes have been around longer than I've been alive. I was born in 1985 and I missed what many would call the 'glory days' of comics. I was born into a generation that missed the wave of comic-book popularity. My culture was swarmed by Saturday morning cartoons and the general rise of the video game console. I didn't really get into comic books until I was in middle school, and even then my introduction to comics was in a round-about sort of way.
Credit: Marvel Comics
In middle school, in the late '90s, I picked up my first comic book: Iron Fist Vol 2. That is when I first read about the hero who would become my hero for many years, and I've read all his books since then and tried to keep up with the other series that he's appeared in. But, for the most part the Iron Fist series' have been the staple of my comic book knowledge.
That in no way means that I'm unaware of the plights of the various other superheroes that Marvel and DC Comics have put out there, I'm just not devoted to learning about their lore or history, but that has not stopped me from trying to keep up with as many as I could: whether that's through web-surfing, comic skimming and even film watching. So as you can imagine I made my way through the, sometimes laughable, comic-based films that have launched over the years. Everything from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Blade, From Daredevil to Catwoman, from Barb Wire to Mystery Men. If it was based on a comic book, I watched it. The same goes for the various shows that have cropped up over the years: Gotham, Arrow, Smallville, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, Daredevil and of course the recent Iron Fist. As you can imagine, I was incredibly excited about the announcement of my beloved Iron Fist arriving in a live action adaptation. After watching the series, even though the initial reactions were poor, I can say that his legacy in my mind remains untarnished.
That word has always stuck with me for some reason; legacy. As defined by Webster Dictionary, a legacy is:
“Something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor of from the past.”
So a legacy can be nearly anything, but it all spurns from something that comes from the past; it's historical, it's legend, it's a feeling, an emotion, a memory - all of that and everything in between. The heroes that I love so much have such expansive histories that their legacy is carried in the pages of every comic book through their actions, their words and the heart that beats in their chest. It's that legacy of character that has always drawn me to Iron Fist over nearly every other hero from the comics or character from a story.
And as I approach the 1/3 century mark, the idea of my own legacy has started to fill the back of my mind. When my story is told, what will my legacy be? What will I be remembered for? What has my greater purpose in life been - or have I failed to leave a mark on the world around me? It's something that likely every person reading this has thought at some point. Did I make an impact on anything besides my own life?
Honestly, I'm not sure if I knew how to answer that question 10 years ago, heck 5 years ago for that matter. For the better part of my adolescent years and early adult life - I can admit that I lived my life to suit my own desires, my own whims and much of that was at the detriment to my friends, my family and my faith. I did my best to wear the mask of 'good, honest young man' but I was only fooling myself.
I cheated. I stole. I lied. I turned my back. I stabbed other in the back, and it was all for my own empowerment - in an effort to make myself feel better about my own life. If others were down at my level or below me then that meant that I was successful, because I was better than them. In my own conceited way, I was trying to make a legacy for myself: a legacy of appearing better than I thought of myself. The key thing to take away from that statement is:
"better than I thought of myself"
Because I had such a low opinion of myself, honestly still do, it was easier for me to feel that I needed to tear other people down rather than make the efforts to boost myself up or even surround myself with people who helped lift me up. And when I did surround myself with the people who only wanted to show me the man that they knew I could be - I pushed them away, because it hurt too much.
It's why the friends that I once had are but a shallow glimmer of a memory because I've distanced myself from them. It hurt too much to keep them close because by having them in my life it meant that I couldn't be self-deprecating. (which if you know me at all, you know that that is my go to emotional status quo) - In the last 10 years, I've lost more friends than I've kept, and I hope that some day they can forgive me in the hopes of mending the burned bridges someday - but I know that that is a long road to travel with some that I once considered the closest of friends.
Yet, it just goes to prove that through all of my life, I've been trying to create a legacy. I wanted my legacy to be one where people saw me in only the way that I wanted them to see me - instead of the broken man that I am more days than not.
So where was I going with this? - Well, in the last 5 years I've come across an epiphany of sorts as I stepped into the greatest adventure of my life.
In March of 2012 - I married the love of my life, without a doubt in my mind she is more than I deserve and I don't think I fully grasped the impact she had on me until we spoke our vows (which I convinced her I wanted in our ceremony -- she wasn't a fan, since you know I like to write). Anyways, when we got to the vows portion this is what I said to her:
I've dreamed of this day from the moment I met you. It's crazy to thing that it could have been love at first sight for me, but I knew that you were something special. And now I couldn't imagine spending another day without you. You truly are my soul-mate and my best friend. As we walk together into our new life, I promise you these things:
I will stand by your side through times of joy and times of sorrow. Offering my strength when you need me the most.
I will share my heart with you alone. Remaining faithful and true to the love that we share.
I will honor you as my wife. Treasuring every moment that we have and seeking only to grow closer through all the days of our life.
I will love you always, and I will be yours alone, 'till death do us part.
It was in that moment that I finally realized that there was someone in this life that meant more to me than my own ambitions and dreams. She was the woman that I wanted to serve and honor for the rest of my life. Even though I don't get it perfect every day, she loves me just the way I am; forgetful, slightly lazy, hopelessly romantic and rounder than I was 5 years ago - but she loves me all the same.
Then over the last 5 years I've had the joy of bringing two boys into the world with my wife, and seeing myself through their eyes has helped me understand just the kind of legacy that I've created. My life with my wife, and my love for our children has helped show me that I'm finally learning how to build bridges rather than burn them down. My heart has finally started to heal from my own past, and I'm starting to understand that this legacy that I'm building with my wife and children has a lot to do with experiencing what loss of friends, family and faith can do to a person - and that's something that I never want my family to go through because of me.
I don't have it all figured out, but step by step and day by day I'm making progress towards leaving the legacy that we all hope to leave one day.
