I’ve had my iTunes on super rotate, and a set of lyrics struck me.
I will run
Oh and I won’t quit
Chasing Your heart
Just like David did
I’ll come running
Through the gates
Looking to Your face
Oh I can hardly wait
Until You carry my soul
Carry my soul away
It’s from a Phil Wickham song called “Carry my Soul”, and its where I’m trying to get my heart and mind to. I put this song on repeat and just let it sink in for a while. He sings about chasing God’s heart like David did. David is always revered as a man after God’s own heart, I’ve always loved the story of David. He was a sinner. a liar. a murderer. an adulterer. Plagued with inaction. …And at times, several times actually, a failure as a man and a father.
Yet, he’s the perfect example of the man I hope to emulate some day. I pray that my heart can be exemplified as his was. No matter how far he strayed, he found favor with God, and found his way back to forgiveness and repentance; true repentance (confession & submission) is a two sided coin. Sometimes, I think that overall we come to the conclusion that only finishing half is enough; confession OR submission. We don’t ever truly come to a point of true repentance. We confess our sins to someone that we can confide in to unburden ourselves (and in turn that’s our form of repenting). It’s not easy to confess your sins to someone, but it always feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders, and I’m afraid that more often than naught we consider that enough. We take a queue from King David, and consider this enough:
“Then David confessed to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the Lord.’
Nathan replied, ‘Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin.'” -2 Samuel 2:13
David was forgiven of his sins. Bing! Bang! Boom! Score one for David. Brush the dust off your hands, it’s done… But, sadly that can’t be the end of the story. There’s a second step to reach true repentance – taking our sins to God and asking for His mercy.This is often the hardest part, at least I know it is for me. I can pray for forgiveness. I can pray to God and ask for the strength to move on beyond my sins and failures. But, if I truly assessed my prayer life, I honestly don’t know that I have ever asked for His mercy on my life.
There’s a difference between forgiveness and mercy. I believe that forgiveness is a facet of – a part of – mercy. Mercy is shown through forgiveness. Through is the keyword there, without forgiveness there is no mercy. Mercy is the continuation of your repentant prayer. David understood this concept. It wasn’t enough to just confess his sins to Nathan, even though it was proclaimed that ‘the Lord has forgiven you’. He had to confess his failure, his inadequacy, his weakness, his humanity. He had to truly lay it down and ask for mercy. God forgives because of His love and mercy for His people.
Praying with a repentant heart for mercy is emotional. It’s messy. It’s hard. It’s being vulnerable. It’s a step of faith. Psalm 51 is regarded as David’s prayer or repentance during his time with Nathan after committing adultery with Bathsheba.
Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgement against me is just.
For I was born a sinner –
Yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
But you desire honesty from the womb,
teaching me wisdom even there.
Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me –
now let me rejoice.
Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the Joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
Unseal my lips, O Lord,
than my mouth may praise you.
You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
– Psalm 51:1-17
Did you hear it? Did you hear why his heart is what I want mine to be like? Look at the progression in David’s prayer through the Psalm.
Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love… — David asks first for mercy, because he understands the truth of who God is. God is love. God is compassion. God is merciful. He reaches up to the God who can wash him clean from his sins and his guilt. So often, I feel that we just assume this part of the prayer, and we don’t actually claim it as Truth.
For I recognize my rebellion, it haunts me day and night, against you, and you alone have I sinned… — David is starting to grasp the severity of his sins. All sins are the same in God’s eyes. His judgement is against sin, always. David realizes that his sin wasn’t just against that of another man. He sinned in direct conflict against God. His sins were as dark as night to God, yet notice how he finishes this part — your judgement against me is just. — He accepts what God has judged against him, trusting in His wisdom. When we sin, and come before God in prayer, how often do we accept His judgement rather than attempt to bargain for a different answer?
Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. — David sees past his sins, and trusts that God will make him new. Davids trust in God is absolute at this point. He’s asking to be made new. To find joy, because he has finally been broken, and he longs for a clean heart. This is the part that we all tend to leave our prayers. We’ve said our peace, and ask for a second chance even though we don’t deserve it. The next part is, I believe, the most important section in the Psalm.
Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the Joy of your salvation, and make me will to obey you. — David ramps it up. He doesn’t just ask for redemption, for restoration, for salvation. David asks to be made willing to obey. We miss this part so often. I know I’ve prayed to be open to God’s leading in my life, but I’ve never asked to be made willing to obey. That just seems so much more dependent on God. Being open to God’s leading… is like saying “show me what you’ve got God, and then I’ll decide if that’s where I actually want to go…” whereas make me willing to obey… is more of an act of reliance, an act of asking to be taught how to follow without hesitation.
David finishes his Psalm out with the ultimate truth of what a prayer is about, and what I seek in my heart. David writes, the sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit, You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. — That is the truth behind David’s heart. He was a broken man. He failed. He sinned. He was human. Yet he pursued God, and found the truth – he was broken. And that’s what God needed. That’s when God is able to carry your soul from here until the ever-after.