A friend once told me:
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
I had never heard this quote before, and it honestly got my brain whirring. When someone I respect offers me advice or criticism, I take it and devour every word. Words have a strong influence on my life and my actions. I've always been very literate; words hold much more meaning to me than actions. I've seen actions be hollow and callous. I've watched as good deeds turned sour by the words that accompanied it. I've felt actions in motion as though it was only routine. As if the actions were done solely because it was expected. Whereas I feel that words have power that deeds do not. Words can build, words can destroy. Words can empower, words can undermine. Words have meaning no matter how they are used or interpreted. Words can be offered, words can also be withheld.
So knowing that words hold high esteem to me, this Confucius quote really struck me, because it made me think about my past so I thought I would take you on a little journey today.
I've always been the guy who never felt confident in much of anything. All through high school I traveled along the edge of the hallway. I never ventures out of my comfort zone. I never tried out for a sport, because I assumed I wouldn't make the cut. I never asked to be challenged, because I knew that I would float by exactly where I was. I never sought out the 'popular' groups, because I didnt want to be ostracized. I never talked to the pretty girls, never talked to most girls actually, because who in their right mind would want to be seen with me? -- This was my comfort zone: my daily mantra was "never stray, never falter. Always find level water, always find the easiest way." I spent most of my life avoiding the things that I could fail doing. If I were to fall and fail at something then it would prove that I was no good and had zero skills to offer.
Now, before you say thats untrue and that everyone has something to offer, I want you to understand what was going through my head. As I'm sure its been the same thing you or someone you know has been thinking. I grew up without a dad, my parents were divorced before I had a chance to have a father to teach me what it meant to be a man and how I had what it took to achieve and that i had something to offer. He spent some time with me but I never really felt like he was there. Often times he was more invested in his own achievements and his career than he seemed to be interested in my growth.
See how that interaction over the years would lead me to start internalizing the idea that I dont have anything to offer? My thoughts, my words, my actions would all be futile because ultimately there was something better out there and everyone was bound to find that better option; or at least that's how my brain percieved the world around me.
Back to the Confucius quote: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - I kept assuming that I was finding glory in never falling at things. I believed for so long that if I never stepped out of my comfort zone, I would ever fall and that was my glory. My glory was in being 'good enough' but as I've grown and matured, I've started to see the bigger picture in front of me. I'm nearly 30, married for to a beautiful woman, inside and out; and we're waiting for our second son to arrive this fall. Since I graduated high school up to recently, I've been focused on just surviving and never truly living and loving in the depths of what this life can truly offer.
Some of you may know this, but years ago I started writing a novel of sorts, I actually have started on 3, but one in particular was where I found a great deal of my pride, because remember words hold special meaning to me. My words that I had poured out onto the pages were as close to the whispers and echoes of my own soul as I had ever gotten. I was opening my soul to the world around me and slowly letting people read my words, at least that is until someone used their words to tear down my work - at that point I quit writing, I only offered the occasional blog post here and there, nothing that could be judged or critiqued because, going back to my mantra of "never stray, never falter. Always find lever water, always find the easiest way" gave my heart protection and comfort from falling and not being able to get back up.
It was through a few conversations with this friend of mine that I was inspired to step back into writing my novel. She reminded me that everyone fails, everyone has dreams and goals, but it's the ones who step out and let their words be heard that wind up finding their glory. If for nothing more than to inspire others as she has inspired me I thought that I would put these words down on digital paper for a simple reminder that when all is said and done it's those who choose to live in their passions that find what it is that they are looking for, they find their glory in every attempt: through failure and success.